Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
