there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Randomize
