yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
