i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
