she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
