Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
