Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
