I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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