I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
