: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
