is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
