well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
