Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize