It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
