I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
