Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
