So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
