Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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