Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
