I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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