I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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