theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
