It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
