He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
