I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
