why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
