haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
