wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
