i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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