just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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