you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
