it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
