We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
