u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Randomize
