I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
