There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
