No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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