Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
