you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
