what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
