Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
