She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize