I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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