i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
