She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize