I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
