i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
