I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
only you would photoshop your dick
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
