bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
