Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
