No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
