I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
