today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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