Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
