that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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