the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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