Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
It's official drugs can't kill me
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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