Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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