i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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