One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
