my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
