ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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