So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
