oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
What drink are we having for lunch?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Randomize