I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
