wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
