Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
