bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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