If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
