I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I have already put on my inside pants.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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