Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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