your thong is hanging out like whoa
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
