I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
