I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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