My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
