Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
