your thong is hanging out like whoa
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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