Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
