GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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