If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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