he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize