I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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