I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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