were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize
