fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
