If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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