I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
