i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
