i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
then he tried to convert me to islam
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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