last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Is it penis luge time yet?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
