i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
