My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
