Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
high people should be assigned attendants
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
