By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize