please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
