SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
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