The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Randomize
