That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
