Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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