Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I love you.
Bad choice
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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