Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
